Denver's Big News: Dairies, the Flu, and Dead Stuff are Related

Puttin’ up a new hay barn on a dairy has its good and bad points.  The good is that there’s lots of room for me to explore...ummm...oops, I mean there’s lots of safety checkin’ to do--more checkin’ than footballs to be weighed at this year’s Superbowl.  After all, ole Brady and Belichick were involved, ya know.  At the Superbowl, I mean, not at the dairy.  Anyway, Hank, a blue heeler like me who goes everywhere with job foreman Dennis, works as my assistant for jobs like these.  That makes the safety checkin’ more interestin’ fer sure cuz Hank is like a two-year old boy whose been drinkin’ one of those fancy, sugared-up coffee concoctions.  Keepin’ up with him ain’t easy.  I think that’s why I ended up lookin’ like I had took sick with the flu when I hadn’t.  Let me back up.

After the popcorn and Christmas tree incident, Wife decided Boss needed more of my help on the job sites.  I was so ‘cited when he said, “Denver, be ready to go first thing in the mornin’. We got a hay barn to put up.”  I made sure to get a good night’s sleep and to keep a keen ear for Boss when he stirred at 5:00 the next mornin’.  Wife packed our lunch and we headed out. I could almost smell the cow manure as I jumped up in the work truck.  Well, to be truthful, I really could smell it.  The lingerin’ aroma is just one of the benefits of that truck bein’ used for dairy construction.  Anyway, I stuck my head out the window while Boss drove, drank his coffee, and talked to the good Father on the way.

Hank was already at the dairy inspectin’ the tires on the forklift when we pulled up.  Boss let me out with a warnin’, “Stay out of trouble, Denver.”  I was a little disappointed.  I mean, what a thing to say to the Head of Safety.  

Hank and I greeted each other like two dogs should, watered the tires, and let our noses lead us around.  Behind us we could hear Boss and the crew workin’, tallkin’, and laughin’.  It’s good that they like their work, I thought, as I struggled to keep up with Hank.  By the time I caught up to him, he was sniffin’ out the perimeter of the dry lot.

We decided to do a real good job with our inspectin’.  I don’t think we left any little spot on that dairy un-inspected.  We checked the dry lot, the feed lanes, the hay barns, the perimeter of the milk parlor, and even the milk trucks comin’ in and out.  Hank led the way, bouncin’ from one spot to another faster than That Cat scales the fence when Hank gets after her. Everything passed inspection.  By mid-afternoon, Hank and I were gettin’ a little bored.  That idleness gave Hank an idea.

“Hey, Denver,” he said, “wha-dya-say we go ‘cross the road to the ensilage field?”  I looked the field over and decided it’d be okay and then ran to catch up to Hank who was already well into the field.  I was gainin’ on him perty fast when I realized he was standin’ still, which was highly unusual for him.  But before I could see why, I felt it.  It was creepin’ up my legs and touchin’ the bottom of my belly.  It was deep, soft, cold, wet, and incredibly smelly.  

Hank, bein’ a bit shorter than me, was down in it so deep that it was comin’ up his sides and quickly approachin’ his back.  He kept his tail straight up as he slowly began to turn around to face me.  “They must have spread manure this mornin’ and watered it real good,” he said.  “This spread has a right peculiar smell though, don’t ya think, Denver?”

“Yeah, I get ya.  It almost smells like somethin’ dead,” I suggested.

Before I had the words completely out of my mouth, Hank had already discovered the dead yearlin’, had made his way over to it, and had proceeded to roll all around on top it.  Me, bein’ the Head of Safety, havin’ an important title and position with Harrison Family Builders, did the most natural thing for a guy in my position to do--I joined in the fun.  That’s when I heard Boss whistle and Dennis shout Hank’s name.

“All right!  Quittin’ time already!” I told Hank, who was already jumpin’ up out of the muck and headin’ back across the road.

I struggled to pick each paw up out of the sticky goo as fast as I could so Boss wouldn’t have to wait on me, and in my haste, I kinda forgot about bein’ dirty and smelly.  I raced across the road, spied the open door on the truck, and jumped in.  Dennis and Hank were already pullin’ out ahead of us when Boss shut the door after me.

I plopped down in the back seat, pantin’ and wishin’ I had a drink.  Boss jumped in and took off, talkin’ to me without lookin’ at me.  “Denver, did you have a fun day, Dude?  I sure did.  We got sooo much work done! Thank the Lord we didn’t have any wind today to slow us down.  Whoa!  What in the world?  Denver, you smell awful!”  That’s when he turned to look at me.  “Denver!  Look at you!  You are a mess!  What in the world are you thinkin’?”

Boss stared at me with a shocked look of unbelief that I hadn’t seen since the popcorn and Christmas tree incident.  I looked away.  Boss rolled down all the windows and drove kinda fast.  

After we got home, Boss gave me a good scrubbin’ and hosin’ down.  It was so cold that I was shiverin’ and I didn’t even care that That Cat was starin’ and smilin’ and flickin’ her tail.  I wasn’t ‘sactly sure what the flu felt like, but I’d been hearin’ about it lately, and I decided to try to look real sick-like so Wife would take pity on me.  It worked.  She let me come in after I had dried off some and while Boss cleaned up the work truck.

Boss came in and I knew what was next--my talkin’ to.  “Denver,” he said, “sometimes we gotta stop and think before we just go followin’ other people or dogs all around and doin’ whatever they’re doin’.  In fact, Proverbs says that we’re supposed to give careful thought to what we do and where we go, and Romans says we’re not supposed to conform to the pattern of this world.  Do you know what that means?”  

I  thought for a second and decided I did.  Yep.  It means the pattern of this world includes traipsin' around in manure and rollin’ around in dead stuff.

Denver's Big News: Construction Safety Work is Never Done

As Head of Safety for Harrison Family Builders, my work is never done.  Boss, Wife, That Cat, Hank, and the whole crew are more dependent on me than Elway was on Siemien, oops, I meant Osweiller, no, wait, I meant Lynch...

Anyway, as I was sayin’, keepin’ job sites safe is a forever job.  I even kept workin’ through Christmas break.  I had to water all the Christmas lights before Boss put them up on the roof, sniff out every present to make sure there wasn’t a bomb, and test the stability of the Christmas tree stand.  Lemme tell ya, those were perty stressful safety checks.

First, Wife got the lights out of the shop, untangled ‘em, and spread ‘em out across the porch to make it easy for Boss.  She plugged ‘em in to make sure they all worked, and I watered ‘em to make sure there were no shorts in the strands.  She didn’t like that so much, but, hey, it had to be done, and I’m happy to report--no shorts, not even a little buzzin’ or flickerin’, even when Wife sprayed it all off with the hose.  When I seen her gettin’ that hose, I made myself scarce.  I mean, what good is my title of Head of Safety if I don’t even know how to keep myself safe on the construction site.  So far so good, but I knew it was too good to last.

Next was the bomb-sniffin’.  This was tricky, because not all of ‘em presents were put under the tree at the same time.  Me bein’ observant was important.  Each day I circled ‘em, smellin’ ‘em out real thorough-like.  That Cat didn’t like it.  Nosey is what she called me.  Now, ain’t that interestin’ comin’ from a cat?  I answered her with the word self-righteous.  Boss gave us both a word--get out!  

Later, when Wife let me back in, I continued my bomb-sniffin’, and I thought I was on to somethin’.  One of ‘em packages definitely had a smell.  I knew I had to act fast.  I grabbed that present, gave it a vigorous shake, and pounded it on the floor.  I’m perty sure those two steps are always the first things I should do when I suspect a bomb.  Nothin’.  No explosion. No rattlin’.  No tickin’.  So far so good, but what was that smell? There was only one way to protect all of our construction crew and customers, and that was to get that package open. By now the paper was perty soggy, so I really didn’t even have to tear it.  It was fallin’ apart by itself, kinda like the Broncos season did.  I had to work a little harder to get the tin lid off, but I was able to get it up enough to shake the contents out of the round tub.  Guess what came out?  Did you say popcorn?  How did you know?  I had that popcorn scattered all over and there was only one thing to do.

I started scarfin’ it down when I heard That Cat purrin’.  Strange thing is, I couldn’t see her. Just as I pulled my nose up out of the popcorn, I realized the Christmas tree was fallin’ over and That Cat, who was almost to the top of the tree, along with it.  Ornaments and That Cat went flyin’.  Did you know glass ornaments don’t bounce and a cat’s claws leave perty nasty scars on leather furniture?  Take my word fer it.  After That Cat was able to free her claws from the leather sofa, she flicked her tail and ran under the desk.  Well, two safety checks done at the same time, I thought to myself, as I went back to my popcorn.

Funny thing though, Boss’s reaction was different from mine, and, by the way, I looked perty guilty, standin’ there among the broken glass and soggy wrappin’ paper, eatin’  evidence as fast as I could.  “Denver, what’re you doin’?”  Boss yelled as he set the tree back upright.  I crawled under the desk with That Cat and tried not to make eye contact.  Boss just stood there, lookin’ at the mess, then at me, then back at the mess.  Just as I was about to tell him that the safety checks on the lights and packages passed, but the check on the stability of the tree stand failed, he repeated what he’d said earlier, “Get out.”

As usual, when things like this happen, Boss used a Scripture to teach me a lesson while Wife cleaned up the mess.  I sure am glad Boss has a sense of humor.  He said, “Denver, listen to the first part of the 1 Peter 4:7 that says, ‘But the end of all things is at hand.’”  I thought, That's it.  I'm dead.  But then he laughed, shook his head, gave me a pat and That Cat some botherin’, and said, “I’m glad the end of the holidays are here and I can get back to work.”  

Yeah, I thought, and my job as Head of Security is never done.  Aaaand, Wife's job of cleanin' up the mess might not ever be done either.

‘Til next time...

Denver's Big News: Safety Goggles Aren't just for Construction Sites

I really thought I had it figured out.  I thought that if I could convince Boss that I needed some safety goggles for more than just workin’ at the job site, he just might go fer it.  Boss don’t take to spendin’ money unnecessarily.  Frugal, I think, is the word he uses.  Well, not him so much, but Wife.  She’s frugal all right; won’t even buy the expensive dog treats.  Anyway, I devised a plan and even got That Cat to help me.  While she distracted Boss early one mornin’ by climbin’ up in the motor of his weldin’ truck, I stealthly crept across the street and stole the neighbor’s newspaper.  I had it well-hid under the Denver Broncos flag by the time Boss got That Cat out from under his hood.  (I don’t know if That Cat realized she was usin’ up one of her nine lives by climbin’ up in there, but I didn’t have time to ponder such details.  I needed my safety goggles.)  So far so good.  Boss left me at home that day to work on our upcomin’ safety meetin’.  That Cat said my timin’ was, “Purrrrfect.”  Whatever.

After Boss and his crew took off, I chewed the rubber band off the paper, unrolled it, and found just what I needed.  Boss loves power tools.  I carefully carried that page of the paper into the house and hid it under my pillow along with a Black Friday ad for 50% off at Petsmart.  Than I waited.

On Thanksgivin’ mornin’ Boss got up to fry the turkey.  Now I know what you’re thinkin’.

But that didn’t happen.  Boss knows what he’s doin’.  It came out more like this

It’s what happened afterwards that was a shocker.  Boss carried that fried bird into the kitchen and started to cut it up with his huntin’ knife that he uses for all kinds of other stuff.  Of course, that went over with Wife about as well as puttin’ a metal roof on a hay barn in the New Mexico wind goes over with me, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.  Boss pulled out the electric knife and started attachin’ the blades.  While his back was turned toward the turkey, the smell got to me and I decided I needed a closer look.  Just as I got both front paws up on the cabinet door and my nose close enough to the turkey to get a little taste, That Cat let out one of her ear bustin’ meeee-ows and Boss turned around.  When he did, he accidentally hit the start button on the electric knife.  Since only one of ‘em blades was secure, the other one went flyin’ off.  It ping-ponged all around the kitchen--first the refrigerator, then the hood vent, and finally the window, which cracked upon impact.  Quicker than a leather-soled boot on a slick roof, I spun around and headed for the hills, wherever they were.  But it was too late.  I heard Boss slam the door as he tossed That Cat outside.  Then I heard my name--DENVER!--along with Boss quotin’ 1 Corinthians 13:4 which says, “Love is patient, love is kind…” and part of verse 5 which says, “...it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  I kinda wondered why Boss would be a-sayin’ such a thing at a time like this, but I figured he knew what he was doin’.  Anyway, I laid my ears back, stuck my tail in between my legs, hunkered down, and crawled over to him.  

Boss gave me a talkin’ to about how dangerous flyin’ knife blades and broken glass could be. But then he and Wife did somethin’ strange.  They both started laughin’.  Just a little bit at first, but then a whole lot.  It was puzzlin’ at first, but after a while I realized that Thanksgiving and Christmas have a way of makin’ us joyful--even in adverse circumstances.  I guess that’s what love does.

Anyway, since Boss and Wife seemed to be handlin’ this chaos perty well, and the chaos involved carvin’ a turkey, I decided it was the prime opportunity to show ‘em what I had found in that stolen newspaper of mine.  I was just sure Boss would give me my safety goggles now.

Turns out, both me and That Cat were wrong.  My timin’ was less than “Purrrrfect.”  'Till next time...

By Corene Alford

Denver's Big News: Costumes are NOT Construction Safety Equipment

Boss says, “No.”  No to a safety harness for me.  No to a hard hat for me.  No to safety glasses for me.  No, No, No.  “Denver, the construction business is not a place for dress-up; job sites are real world, not play,” he admonishes.  Dress up?  Is that what he thinks?  That I, the Head of Safety for Harrison Family Builders, really just want a Halloween costume?  Fer reals?  Just the thought of it makes me let out a small yelp.

As Boss pats my head, tells me to be a good boy, and heads out the door, I sulk away, trying to hide the fact that I’m pouting.  No good.  The Boss’s wife sees me and scolds me for pouting.  She doesn’t miss a thing.  But then she does something really strange.  She pulls up this picture on her tablet and shows it to me.

“Look, Denver, it’s a blue heeler kinda like you.  You’d look so cute dressed like this!” she exclaims.

You gotta be kiddin’ me!  I’m supposed to look gruff, not like a daycare worker!  I’m a construction safety expert for cryin’ out loud.  No, no, no--a thousand times, no.

She continues, “You can be a Denver Bronco for Halloween!”

Just as I turn away and let out another yelp, That Cat comes by, flicking her tail.  She glances at me, then at the picture, then back at me, kinda like this

It’s more than a dog of my important position can take.  Without even givin’ it a thought, I spring to my feet, grab That Cat in my mouth, and give her a toss right up into the air.  She growls and hisses.  As she’s comin’ back down, I notice her smile is gone.  She looks like this

I duck my head as fast as I can, and though I’m scared, the thought does still cross my mind Do cats really always land on their feet?  Yes, the answer is yes.  She lands right on top of my back, claws and all.  Another yelp escapes me before I take off runnin’ at top speed into the dinin’ room and right under the table.  The table scrapes That Cat off my back and onto the hardwood floor.  That very slippery hardwood floor.

As That Cat glares at me like an OSHA inspector, I slide right into the back door--smack!--hittin’ my head in the glass.  See, I do need a hard hat.  Wish Boss was here to see this. 

Then I hear it.  It’s  Boss.  He has come back to grab his safety glasses and has seen the whole thing.

“Denver!” he shouts, at the exact same time his wife grabs me by my collar.  

Now my feelins’ are hurt.  How can he be upset with me, when all of this is That Cat’s fault? My pout returns as Boss opens the back door and takes me outside.  “Denver,” he says, “as Head of Safety, you should know better.  Your job is to insure that everyone at Harrison Family Builders stays safe.  Remember, last month we talked about the importance of being a team player, of ‘blocking’ for others.  That’s what we do at Harrison Family Builders, for everyone who is a part of our construction business and for our customers, and yes, even for That Cat. Think about Psalms 145:9 that says, ‘The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.’”

Boss went to work, I apologized to That Cat and to Boss’s wife, and I felt really good afterwards.  But I also made it clear:  a Halloween costume is not construction safety equipment, and I ain’t wearin’ no costume.  I’ll hold out for the harness, hard hat, and safety glasses.  ‘Til next time...

Denver's Big News: Harrison Family Builders Expanding This Fall

Boss woke me up late today--not ‘til 6:00--it bein’ the first day of fall and all.  I ‘preciate that because I have to admit, I’ve been celebratin’ the orange crush victory the Broncos had on Sunday perty near all week, even while workin’ on construction safety.  I mean, who could forget Miller’s two sacks; Talib’s 103 yard pick-6; hearing Siemian say, “Omaha” (brings back fond memories); and Anderson’s 118 yards, glorious spin move for a gain of 28, and his touchdown.  What a game!  I got so excited that I almost forgot to plan our upcoming safety meeting.  Of course, That Cat had to flick her long, skinny tail a time or two and ask me if I had it done yet.  “I’m workin’ on it, don’t you worry; almost done, in fact.” I barked.

So.  I guess I’d better get to workin’ on it; Boss likes ‘em to be perty regular-like.  He really watches out for his guys on all the jobsites, and part of keepin’ them kids (that’s what Boss calls two or three of ‘em--kids--bahahaha!) safe is informin’ them about certain dangers that they might run into.  As Head of Safety, I have a lot of input with Boss about that stuff.  Since I’m plannin’ this meeting with the game still rollin’ around in my head, I’m realizin’ the importance of somebody havin’ your back.  I mean, Anderson would have never gained 118 yards and made a touchdown without his blockers, and the interestin’ thing is, most people don’t even know who those blockers were.  It reminds me of what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:24, “No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”  Yep, that’s what makes a team alright.

Speakin’ of teams, ours is growin’.  Boss’s dad, Dennis Hughes, and his blocker Hank (another blue heeler like me), have been drafted.  I sure am glad we’ve got some more guys keepin’ everybody safe.  It wouldn’t work too good for me to do it all alone.  That Cat would probably get to orderin’ me around even more than she does already.

Oh, speakin’ of That Cat, guess I’d better get that safety meetin’ planned out so I can enjoy the rest of the first day of fall.  ‘Til next time…

By Corene Alford